Monday, July 21, 2014

The Answers To The Questions I Couldn't Find~

Dedicated to Luanne Rice and Audrey Loggia~

If I hadn't noticed the obvious rattle of my hand gripping the handle of my full mug of coffee every time I pursed my lips to the rim, I might have been fine.Probably not.

Then of course there was my mind, "humph!" talk about let me down! seemingly full one moment, then vastly empty and grabbling the next, or more over, instantly empty on cue when asked a question about myself.

Perhaps I wasn't prepared, hellfire! I know I wasn't! And in many cases when in a jam I take without warning the position of a comedian-God knows what you women thought of me!  
Its a good thing I can chuckle at myself without any self persecution,which I recognize as a familiar trait of a Canadian-when all seems lost in translation-laugh!

If you'll remember, dear ladies across the round wooden table from me, in the far corner of Elliot Bay Books in Seattle- your question to me, of which favourite book store was mine? (the line coming clean...wants to fall out with a hiccup of a chuckle, with the thought of your expression when I first said it) though I did have an answer to which book store, though my mind decided quite suddenly to change and leave me frayling with a new answer, which I was a tad embarrassed to admit (ten or more thrift stores found in my town) "coughs.."
My husband however, has a favourite book store in Abbbotsford called Hemmingways.I'm not sure he likes it for the books as much as we love the name for the store.
In thinking with hindsight, I did love Chapters Book store in Kamloops, on a snowy weekend visit.

Luanne, with your gentle voice and sisterly disposition asked me to whom my favourite actor was, and my mind went hurtling down a tunnel with no pictures then suddenly came up... facing Robert Loggia! "chuckles here!" It could have been the right answer for the moment.Certainly Audrey would have been very pleased, but I knew it wasn't really my answer, though, I remember Robert Loggia fondly while watching him in movies with my parents, which isn't a lost memory at all, but now a new memory from which I'll take with me in connection of meeting the lovely Audrey, who might I add? made me smile like so and laugh, especially....laugh~

Reality is, I haven't been to a movie theater in years-not because I hadn't wanted to go, just that I  found myself busy rushing from a to b down the highway with over ten years of Lil's baseball and work; surely I would of fallen alseep at the movie theater if the occasion found me.

And as far as plays? hm....I seen a few in Vancouver-small stage one's when Darren and I were first dating in the late eighties, anything after in the years to come were touching school concerts-the cherished ones.

In this time while questions were asked I felt an invisible hand reach across the table with the feel of an older-sisters-heart.Luanne.I wanted to grab it like a life line from a terrible sinking boat.
 If my pause was long enough and I seemed to struggle for a quick answer, the question was ever so gently changed to another.

I know in this time around the table sipping Seattle coffee and tea, I spoke of the things that I've learned along the way from Luanne, "you," only they didn't come out quite how I would have liked them-I couldn't think quickly enough in the minutes that I could hear ticking quite literal in the back of my head.It wasn't just the photos of the streets and brownstones that I looked upon with wonder, but the skyway and the way a simple garden trails along with meandering walkers over something that, well, once was.

And then there's the poets with which you pin pictures in Pinterest.Oh, how I hold such gratitude in a everyday lesson lost in the time of my youth.I am more of a student now than I have ever been.

And of art, from which in the simplest picture displayed, my mind finds corners and soft places to have coffee with a friend, just like the calming pictures of white and what brings of it with the sense of soothing, which often is found in a good friend~

I will always be grateful with learning from you the things I might have never known otherwise outside of my own home, such as, all that you wrote of regarding the movement of desperate people over an unforgiving Mexican desert, in your book, The Lemon Orchard.
And that, not all from one side of a countries border carries a black heart when the desperate scratch with dehydrated nails against the borders door.You'll find, like you have, sympathetic hearts with wings of an angel touching the scorched dirt of a barren desert~
 The meaning of such horrific travel seems lost in some who stand guard, no one really wants to leave their home and dear families as much as they want to make a better life and return, though, sadly in some cases its far too dangerous of a place to return home.

I have learned about sisters in you, though I have none of my own, I hold close a few sisterly friends.
I feel with such heart the entanglement it can bring, quite unexpectedly, leaving you to flounder for understanding with a great open heart and deep loss.I had felt that with my oldest daughter when she abruptly decided she wanted to grow up and out on the cusp of eighteen, leaving thick air behind with the caption that she hated us all.
I couldn't lock the front door for weeks.I cried and cried- for not all of my heart was home.

There is simply a wealth of various things I found along the way with you, Luanne, with which I have learned, makes you the person you are and makes the person I am-I know we're wonder! "clucks my tongue!" at myself! we only need to remind ourselves every now and then.

 As to what Audrey had to say to the left of me about an audition for-well, I shall keep that to myself and chuckle into the weeks and months to come.I could have literally listened to stories from Audrey and Luanne for hours.Simply.

I don't think I was prepared to talk of myself, what with the slag of my mouth with no words to follow.
Ironically, I have questions now of my own, clearly losing the mark on the one night I could have asked them,"hm.." which I feel with deep regret, though, still, there's no other regrets I can come by in the time we shared together in one of my favourite cities, or on a night in July that I'll remember for sometime, and on.

Thanks, Ladies! from my heart to yours, on this old computer I love, and through the flash of a camera I'll chuckle over with every future flash.Audrey.

As always, Love from BC. 

PS.I never knew.I couldn't have imagined.Paths that lead our feet to unexpected connections.