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Saturday, December 24, 2016

When My Head Hits The Pillow~

Its been awhile, I know---I haven't forgotten, in fact, I often feel the urge to write as soon as my head hits the pillow-when the quieting stage of my brain seems most futile. I suppose if I got up and actually wrote, I would have a new post daily, but, I choose nightly to persevere in the pursuit of sleep-a keeper of the mind, of sorts.

I hope all is well with my dear writing friend's here, I think of you often, truly.

All is well here, though the road hasn't always been kind and easy to travel, nonetheless, that was then and this is now-change, which I'm thankful for.

I don't talk with many people about various things in my life, but, I couldn't give a rats ass for how many times I've heard, "you just get stronger."
I'm very grateful for the few that cared enough to say it, however, I don't feel stronger at all, in fact, I've just gotten really, really--good at shoving all the painful memories and images of situations far away. I know its wrong, I feel it to be so, but, I need to cope, really, really--need to cope. This I dare to do to myself-
until my head hits the pillow.

Believe it or not, besides the unkind journey along broken roads, I have, and my family has, found the light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak, for now. Least of all as far in the stage of dealing with a loved one with depression. I know in my truthful heart its not the end, I know this struggle for my daughter may follow her into the future, but I try hard not to think of it, breathless I become with heart ache when I do. I try to think of  (right now). Because right now....I have the best part of her change in a smile, and in my heart, in the days leading up to the day we find here.

So, with a full heart, close to 1:00 am in the morning, the night before Christmas eve, I wish you all loving roads and paths and...a wonderful Christmas and New Year, from my family to yours.

Love Dee~