Till next time dad..

Its a strange world right about now, dad, I can only imagine your reaction to it if you were still here...but your not. 
We will gather for father's day tomorrow as we have in the past with the younger father's, however, for myself and mom and Dave, the longing for you is like a missing limb, a branch, a root.

Mom is fine, I know you would wonder, if you could wonder. She's so independent, not that she wasn't before, but there were some simple things I wished you showed her, like how to use the tv remote, know her way around the breaker box, and change batteries in things, etc. That said, mom is still the person you know who rarely complains, in fact, often I worry she is lonely living alone, but she would never really tell me. At any event, you would be surprised to know on the other hand of things of how mom has become a bit bolder--stubborn and determined. Its been interesting for me in the ways of getting to know this new mom.  

In case you might think otherwise, I know mom misses you by the way she tends over your garden, pokes about in your green house, feeds the hummers, and lately, talks of your camping trips. 
Back to the garden-your plants have grown back as if no time passed, they have at my house too. I found you with a smile, one sunny day in March when I noticed one of your special flags in bloom, it looked just like a bumblebee! you would have been so modestly--please.

Your grown grand children are doing well. Most of what you knew is the same, life has its ups and downs. 
The great grands are growing, Ava is eight and Maddy is five, and little guy is two. I wished you had had more time with him, dad, he's such a character!
Ava still remembers you, case your wondering, I can tell anytime we're talking about you. And Maddy has always been drawn to your framed photos mom has around the house. There's always that.

You were a good dad, dad, still are, for I haven't been able to let you go. Its the most sorrowful thing to lose you, you know--but,
 I have learned a few things in the last passed year an a half, things about grief and loss. 
I learned that there is no words of comfort, but jagged days and months and years from which loss wanes in and out. I have learned good and bad habits to fight it off.  Strength means nothing, although the beginning of this year I experienced a quiet epiphany of courage. I have been in a full run since you left, only now I'm learning to take a breath. 
In aging this past year I see you in the mirror. In fact I see you now  in many things--at which I can accept with less sorrow, so it seems.

I guess one wouldn't know until they have experienced it, loss so great, as you, dad. 
There's one thing though, that was true in what someone said to me last year, that grief lightens as time goes by. I suppose there's some truth in that, but tonight I dearly miss you.

In parting I want you to know that you are not forgotten. In the hours to come we will all gather in our small clan like every year, play with the kid's, look at the garden, have smokies and hotdogs.
Till next time, dad, happy father's day xo.